A Picture Says 1000 Words

Now Me In Black and FAT

Then with bangs and skinny

Well I have to say that it was very eye opening and shocking to see this picture taken of me on Christmas Eve. I know I have said this before but it really was something like WOW is that me. I cant believe I let myself go so badly. I keep putting myself on the back burner and putting work first. I worry so much about the bills getting paid that I dont think about anything else. It actually consumes me sometimes. I have had a rough few months with one thing after another but it could have been worse. I am such a worrier that I worry about being really "sick" so I think in my head that if I get skinny then I will have some illness since my Grandmother died so fast from Cancer a few years back and she dropped a bunch of weight. I have fought with thyroid issues for the past 11 years since my son was born but I am on medication for that. I always have an excuse of why I cant work out which before I didnt really have to work out it was more of what I ate, now after 4 kids and my thyroid I will have to work out and eat right in order to lose the weight. I kept thinking it was not that bad, although I knew it. I was living in sweat pants and pajama's and not really wanting to put anything on knowing it wont fit anyways. I am starting to think that this weight is the cause of some of my issues, my depression, my hips hurting, and my tiredness. Those things could be tied to this. This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life even when I walked into the delivery room for my youngest I weighed less. I cant take this anymore, it actually disgust me. I dont even want to look at the picture. It was very hard for me to post this but I am hoping that I can really make this work this time. I am signed up for the gym and will be going starting Monday. I think Weight Watchers is having a special for online. And I did find something called My Fitness Pal from another website that I will try. It is an online journal for calories and exercise. I actually wish that I could be on the biggest loser that starts on Monday but I will have to do my own biggest loser. This is serious to me, I quit smoking about 2 months ago, I have cut back energy drinks to a few a week rather then a few a day and I am really trying to get healthy. This is part of it, and this is something that I have to figure out how to over come. I do stay up late at night to work and I have always thought of food as being my energy. So when I am living on four hours of sleep and I am dead tired I feed my face to try to keep myself awke. I think that and the 4 soda's a day will be my first habits to kick. I can not "night snack" anymore. And I need to get back to water and not soda. Goal 1. already set for Monday. I only have 3 Goals for 2011. I will go into more of that on New Year's Eve. I cant let this weight consume me anymore. It is bothering me more then I knew. I am embarrassed to even leave the house anymore. This is my second post about this but I am hoping to find the strength for it to be last. Good Luck to Me.

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