A Picture Says 1000 Words

Now Me In Black and FAT

Then with bangs and skinny

Well I have to say that it was very eye opening and shocking to see this picture taken of me on Christmas Eve. I know I have said this before but it really was something like WOW is that me. I cant believe I let myself go so badly. I keep putting myself on the back burner and putting work first. I worry so much about the bills getting paid that I dont think about anything else. It actually consumes me sometimes. I have had a rough few months with one thing after another but it could have been worse. I am such a worrier that I worry about being really "sick" so I think in my head that if I get skinny then I will have some illness since my Grandmother died so fast from Cancer a few years back and she dropped a bunch of weight. I have fought with thyroid issues for the past 11 years since my son was born but I am on medication for that. I always have an excuse of why I cant work out which before I didnt really have to work out it was more of what I ate, now after 4 kids and my thyroid I will have to work out and eat right in order to lose the weight. I kept thinking it was not that bad, although I knew it. I was living in sweat pants and pajama's and not really wanting to put anything on knowing it wont fit anyways. I am starting to think that this weight is the cause of some of my issues, my depression, my hips hurting, and my tiredness. Those things could be tied to this. This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life even when I walked into the delivery room for my youngest I weighed less. I cant take this anymore, it actually disgust me. I dont even want to look at the picture. It was very hard for me to post this but I am hoping that I can really make this work this time. I am signed up for the gym and will be going starting Monday. I think Weight Watchers is having a special for online. And I did find something called My Fitness Pal from another website that I will try. It is an online journal for calories and exercise. I actually wish that I could be on the biggest loser that starts on Monday but I will have to do my own biggest loser. This is serious to me, I quit smoking about 2 months ago, I have cut back energy drinks to a few a week rather then a few a day and I am really trying to get healthy. This is part of it, and this is something that I have to figure out how to over come. I do stay up late at night to work and I have always thought of food as being my energy. So when I am living on four hours of sleep and I am dead tired I feed my face to try to keep myself awke. I think that and the 4 soda's a day will be my first habits to kick. I can not "night snack" anymore. And I need to get back to water and not soda. Goal 1. already set for Monday. I only have 3 Goals for 2011. I will go into more of that on New Year's Eve. I cant let this weight consume me anymore. It is bothering me more then I knew. I am embarrassed to even leave the house anymore. This is my second post about this but I am hoping to find the strength for it to be last. Good Luck to Me.

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Tone It Up Tuesday

I was really worried to get on the scale this week, I really didnt feel like I had a good week at all. It was a long holiday weekend and well I guess I just felt like I had gained 10 pounds. To my surprise I lost 3 pounds so that was a good shock this morning. With my crazy schedule and my kids going back to school and their sports schedule's I decided that I would not do a drastic change or work out or anything like that. It has to be something that works for me that fits into my lifestyle so I decided to change my eating habits and change the food I put in my mouth. This week I cut out diet soda down to almost nothing. I switched to Iced Tea and water. Looks like that is a good change to start with. My next week goal is to not eat past 7pm which is usually our dinner time because of sports we always eat sort of on the late side. I work late hours and find myself eating all throughout the night. This week I am going to not eat anything or if I snack I will choose carrot sticks or fruit of some sort instead of the junk food and sometimes a whole meal that I have been doing. Lets see how that goes. I am thinking of setting goals like 10 pounds lost get a pedicure, then 20 pounds lost another treat. Anyone do that and think that it works for them?

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Thursday Good Bye Thunder Thighs

I woke up this morning just uncomfortable in my own skin. I have not really mentioned much about myself yet in this blog, but I do want to share something today. I think that doing a weekly blog post will help me with my up and down Yo-Yo struggle with weight. I have always had issues with it, but it really got bad when I quit my job to stay at home with the kids and has gotten worse from there. I work different freelance customer service jobs from my computer to make the money to pay the bills. I sit at this computer about 15 hours a day. I work mainly at night late till about 4am when the kids are sleep and that causes me to snack for two reasons, one I am bored, and two I feel the food helps me stay awake as I start to drift off to sleep around 2am. I sleep about 5 hours a night and the rest of the time I am awake EATING. I use the many excuses that I cant afford the gym, weight watchers is a lot per week, I have tried every diet there is and even over the counter diet pills and nothing has really worked. I will drop 30 pounds or so and then put it right back on. I use the excuse that my husband does the grocery shopping lately and he buys "kid" friendly meals that are fast and easy and fattening. I use the excuse of time, I dont have enough when I have to work to pay the bills. I got on the scale this morning and I am SHOCKED. I am the heaviest that I have been since I was pregnant with my daughter 4 years ago and I am far from being pregnant. I can feel this becoming an issue with depression as well. I dont have a single thing I can fit into. I have a closet full of clothing that is too tight. I have a pair of cut off sweats that I am living in daily. Something has got to give. I am even too embarrassed to put a picture up of a before so here is a picture of my scale. Dont mind the fact that I need a pedicure. haha. I found an eHow article on how to calculate your points and I can have 27 weight watcher points a day. I subscribed to Hungrygirl.com . I have to say her recipes he sends out by email are so good and she already calculates the points for you. I am trying to get motivated here. Every season for the Biggest Loser I say I am going to do it this time with them, and this time I am! Any of my readers have the same issues please leave comments and give me some advice. I have lost his battle every time I fight it, and this time I want to win it. My starting weight is 231 my goal is 155 and my goal weight date is February 14th 2011. That is my 35th birthday and my anniversary. Wish me luck.
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