November 3, 2010

30 Days Of Truth

I am sorry that I have been gone for a few days. I was sick and so I was away from my computer, but I am still starting this and still hoping that others will follow. If not that is okay too. I will still put a Mr. Linky and still try to figure out how to post my button with the code too. LOL. Takes me some time. So we are on day 3 and the first 3 questions are....Day 1: Something you hate about yourself. Day 2: Something you love about yourself. Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 1. Something I hate about yourself. I would say that ever since I was a kid I have always been one that does not go after what I want because I dont feel that I can get it. I sell myself short when it comes to confidence. I need to have more of it. I have so many ideas right now that I have not followed through with because I just dont think they will take off. I need to put them down on paper and then just do them. I need more hours in my day but that is okay. I want to get things done and I need to just do them. I have to stop thinking that no one will like my ideas and why even put the effort in. How will I ever know if I dont even try? I hate that I dont have enough confidence in myself. That is what I would have to say that I need more confidence.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself. Something that I love about myself is that I for the most part have a good heart. I see the good in people and I try to always give them the benefit of the doubt. I have been stepped on before and I have been used and I have been through most of those things. I just still cant help myself when it comes to helping others. I will give a homeless person the last dollar in my wallet even though they may be going to the liquor store to buy a beer. I am that way and that is one thing that I love about myself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for. I had to forgive myself for not spending the time I should have with my grandmother. I found out that she had cancer and that she was stage four. I felt so bad and I was so sad. I just kept telling myself I would go see her soon, and then weeks went by and I had to go see her. I went once and told her that I was sorry that I didnt come see her sooner. I told her that I would be back. I just kept thinking how much I dont like hospitals and that they make me sad and how can I see her there. I just kept saying that I would see her when she got out of the hospital. She was given 6 months and made it only half that time. I never got to go back and I never got to say my proper goodbye. I can remember the day I did go see her, I had an urge to go back into the room and tell her how much I loved her. I am happy that I was able to do that, but I never got to say so many things. It took me a long time to forgive myself for not letting go of my own fears and my own selfishness. It has been over a year since she passed away and I still feel bad sometimes. I had to forgive myself to start the process of finally healing. It will happen but its not something I can rush into. It is the biggest thing I have had to forgive myself for.


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